Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in siriuslymad's LiveJournal:

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Monday, July 7th, 2008
3:57 pm	still alive just by an act of god... allah... dog or whatever... ran into Zach at Rao's bakery, in beaumont... we were in there to meet one of our friends parents, for some coffee... and someone tapped the opposite side of my shoulder, and who was it other than the z-man. we got a chance to chat for a few mins with his wife and ma, exchanged current info and went on our way. Really strange cuz i was JUSt talking to nita about him the other day... then he says that he came here to see if i posted anything... so here i am. still alive man, shoot me an email sometime. shan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 10th, 2008
5:00 pm	Long time, no see! Wow... i almost forgot about this place lol. Baby Shyler was born on Dec 21, 2007 and is the most awe inspiring lil girl i could have ever hoped for. There is a big post on my myspace page about the transpirings of the delivery day... including all my wonderful smilies that i pilfer from ls2.com. other than that, been helping my buddy wil and all the craziness going on with his impending divorce... i'm pretty sure he'll be going back to beaumont and start running with the same crowd we used to get into trouble with, before i made the move. in any case, i've been setting up freakin vpn tunnels all day and i'm tired. peace. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 12th, 2007
2:14 pm	Across the Universe Saw Across the Universe over the weekend... definitely an interesting flic. I imagine, if i were more into the beatles, i would have enjoyed it more... but even so, i thought it was a lot of fun. Evan Rachel Wood has my heart, that is for sure and i really liked the parts of the movie where they sang "Let It Be" and "Hey Jude" The movie will make you think someone put mescalin in your coke, definitely a trip and a half. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
10:12 am	Ouch i just bit into an apple and a really crispy piece just rammed right inbetween a couple teeth, and into my gum... holyfuckingshitithurt. not much of an update but there's not a whole lot i really feel like talking about on here anymore... i think the downward spiral of this blog has begun... dun dunh dunnnnnnhhhhhh. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 24th, 2007
10:54 am	Nice movie weekend... Spent saturday with my mother, as it was her birthday. Earlier in the week, she had asked to borrow nita's copies of Resident Evil 1 and 2... she enjoyed them, not because they are these throught provoking masterpieces but because they are amusing action/zombie flics. You don't need to put much thought into the premise, to enjoy the story. Anyways, this led us up to the drafthouse on saturday, to see the most recent installment, Extinction. This one was easily the best one of the set... you could tell they had a better budget and a bit more time to put into the story than the previous two, i thoroughly enjoyed it. One of my favorite moments was when one of the characters is trying to make a path through a mass of zombies, by blowing up a fuel truck he's driving... he tips the truck and the overhead visor slides open, revealing a joint that had been hidden and forgotten. The crowd at the Alamo ErUpTeD in applause as the hero lit the j, took a drag and ignited the dynamite with it... awesome. That evening, we watched one of the most amusing independant/low budget films i've seen in a long time... Sara, even you may find this one amusing, but then again... you're a hard read for me. Behind The Mask : The Rise of Leslie Vernon... essentially, this guy wants to become like one of the great "monster" serial murderers of his time... they talk about jason vorhees terrorizing people at crystal lake, how Fred Krueger had residents of Elm Street so scared that they felt he could come after them, in their dreams... and of course, michael miers killing people in haddenfield. Leslie hires a documentary student film crew to follow his setup... its almost like being on the other side of the horror movie... if we saw how Jason were to setup his night of terror. The guy talks about all the cardio and training he has to do... "You have no idea how hard it is to do that thing where it looks like you're walking, while everyone else is running their asses off." lol He talks about how he finds the group to be his "cast"... he shows the film crew his "stage" showing the various exits of the house and how he would expect the people to react as he starts his killing spree. He also explains how he finds his "hero"... the survivor, the one that will end his reign of terror. The movie was witty, funny and wonderfully put together... i would recommend this to anyone, even people that are not fans of the horror genre. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 6th, 2007
9:35 am	Times, they are achangin. Well, its about time for us to move into a new apartment... at this point though, i'm not sure we'll actually be able to do it. I'm so far into debt that declaring bankruptcy may be a GOOD option for me... having over a half million dollar hospital bill definitely supports that fact. I mean, i have absolutely no intention of paying those people back... maybe if they had actually saved my son, it would be different, but i really couldn't care less. The funny thing is, i make probably 20k more a year than i did about a year and a half ago... where the fuck does it go??? lol... we definitely dont buy ourselves anything, i mean, i haven't gotten any new clothes in a couple of years and i recycle all of my video games... ah well. It's not supposed to be easy but its definitely hard when all my friends around me have their well funded parental units to bail them out and assist on a regular basis. My mom is taking care of my decrepit stepfather so she works just as hard as i do, for nothing. My father is completely worthless, i've come to this realization after his most recent stay with us. Despite that, i'm in a surprisingly good mood and have been over the last several days... i hope it stays up cuz the coming weeks arent going to be easy. Dell is moving our department to singapore so its time, yet again, for me to find a new job. I've actually been looking for work up in wisconsin, in the hopes of being able to move up near my grandmother and family up there... i know thats where my mom wants to move, but she doesnt want to leave us... i would really love to spend time with my normal grandmother, she's completely awesome and i really regret not being able to know her better. i think it was buddah that said "Life is pain." how true... how very true. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
9:26 am	Superbad!!! Is SuperRaunchy!! some of it is just meh... but other parts of the movie are freaking classic. It's COMPLETELY irreverent and very sexist but damn its funny. All the drawings of penises was probably my favorite part. lol other than that, there was a teaser for The Dark Knight, no images but you could hear dialogue and i caught a glimpse of what Heath Ledger sounds like as The Joker... i have to say, if he plays the character half as well as he voices it... i think we're in for a treat. Way to go Heath! (Comment on this)
Monday, August 27th, 2007
11:19 am	I hurt myself today... to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that's real the needle tears a hole the old familiar sting try to kill it all away but I remember everything what have I become? my sweetest friend everyone I know goes away in the end you could have it all my empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt (Comment on this)
Friday, August 17th, 2007
10:52 am	almost time... this time last year, dominic had already had one liver transplant in which they found one of the arteries did not connect. He was placed on the top of the emergency transplant list and given 3 days to live as his organs would begin to shut down, one by one. By the 19th he will have a new liver and the operation would be successful... we thought we were in the clear at that point... we had no idea that the swelling all over his body, would move to his brain and ultimately kill him... i try not to think about him anymore... i just cant bear the thought of where he is right now... i know we will be visiting his grave on the 22nd but it won't be any easier this time... i don't think it will ever be... i don't know where i am these days... i see the person in the mirror, but i don't know him... in some respects, i have improved myself... no more pills, dont smoke much anymore, still dont really drink, i'm in better shape and getting healthier in my habits with every passing day... still... i have to force myself to continue on... i have debated going into the military more in the last year than i ever have... i dont know what is going to happen with this next baby but if i lose another, i know i will not be able to stay here... i wish to be with my brother, i miss him... i dunno why but i have the undeniable pull towards him, right now... i worry about him being in baghdad... he's always needed someone to look out for him... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
12:50 pm	Girl's dont exist on the internet!! http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_17/109-OMG-Girlz-Don-t-Exist-on-teh-Intarweb-1 I caught this article the other day and it really cracked me up... not because she is being facetious but because she is absolutely right. Girls are a somewhat rare occurrence in games, today... this is up from completely NON-existent when i was younger. I like that females are jumping into what is predominantly a male/nerd hobby/sport. I'm reluctant to call it a sport, but whatever... they're on ESPN now. I think the problem with girls in video games is not that they have less skill than the boyz but because most of the boys are so freaking immature and inexperienced with a real woman, that they really don't know how to compose themselves. I've known younger players that have only come across a couple actual females in World of Warcraft... i've been around when one was introduced and now i understand why he doesnt see them. Once it is known that a player could potentially be a girl... there is denial, once the denial is in full swing then comes the accusations and demands. "You're not a girl... send me pics!" a lot of it can get very demeaning and borderline sexual harassment... thus, actual females are very hesitant to let their presence be known. Now, me, on the otherhand... i know a TON of girls that i play with regularly on the game... why do we chum so well? well... first off, i could care less if they're a girl or boy, as long as they know their shit in-game. Taking gender out of the equation, for me, puts them on an even level with me. I don't talk down to them, i don't give them special treatment... typically, its being treated like EVERY OTHER player in the game, that makes them want to keep grouping with me. That and my irresistable charm... but thats just a given. anywho... i say bring on more girls in gaming... they're fighting an uphill battle, unfortunately but serious gaming groups like the Fragdolls are definitely helping the feminine presence be known and, more importantly, these girls are to be feared... i've seen it, they will fuck your world before you even know whats happened. Now how hot is that??? (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
8:47 am	Is Harry Potter > Transformers???? These are the things that keep me up at night... would the cruciatus curse work on megatron??? Anywho, we caught the new HP movie last night and... it was pretty freaking cool. Now, they left gobs and gobs of stuff out, from the books... but you got the general idea of what was supposed to be and they kept all the really cool parts. The last 25mins or so, in the ministry of magic... ohmylordonapogostick... it was beautiful... every action by the wizards was so meticulously calculated... their duels looked like a mass fencing instructional video... very cool stuff. The lil wizards held their own against the big baddies... then the fight between big D and voldepants was absolutely gorgeous... little whips and whistles of the wands being waved... then... destruction... you actually get a small taste of how hardcore dumbledore really is. i'm still smiling from the movie... i'll go see it again, cept this time, at the drafthouse... too much crying, talking, clapping in the theaters where you dont have to be at least 18 to get into... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 29th, 2007
8:27 am	unrest The visions won't go away... everytime i close my eyes, i see him reaching out for me, crying... then its darkness... pain, despair... no hope. I still cry when no one is watching... daddy will never run out of tears for his lil soldier. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
8:50 am	Paris Hilton... makes my balls retreat into my pelvis... i just... i can't... AUGHIFUCKINGCANTSTANDTHEWOMANANDEVERYTHINGSHEREPRESENTS that is all. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
2:04 pm	sushi at work... is going to break me!! i was wandering through my new digs here at the parmer south dell compound and i swear i heard someone ring up some sushi... i surveyed the cafeteria but couldnt find anything among the masses of other food... sections? They have one for burgers/fries/fried food... one for the healthier stuff like salad and various veggie sammiches... theres a regular sammich bar and... the soda fountain... as i poured myself some coffee i turned around and saw and complete section dedicated to SUSH!! wooooo!! Its not even the prepackaged crap you may find at some supermarkets... this guys sits there and makes whatever you order, as soon as you order it... yummm... anywho... i'm assigned to the parmer south building #2... its really nice out here... no manufacturing done out here and no support... meaning no customer support, no helpdesks, no one but engineers. I live in my lab but i have 2 benches all to myself with enough prototype dell equipment to keep my technological spank bank filled for quite some time. Some of these gaming rigs are worth upwards of 10k, loaded the way they are... when it comes with a water to air heat exchanger... its not cheap. i would get into a tirade about paris hilton or something... but i really dont have the energy after eating so much freaking sushi... ah well... (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 10th, 2007
2:05 pm	interesting week eh? so we found out, on monday, that juanita is 6wks 4dys preggers!! Someone hath stormed the castle and kidnapped the princess!! she was on birth control and is very adamant about it... but apparently, BC aint got shit on me!! bwahaha! we're excited... we werent planning for it, but who does? on another note, National Instruments decided not to renew my contract, tomorrow is my last day here. long story short, we got a new manager from Unisys, 2 weeks later they're bringing in another tech and telling me my contract is up. It cracks me up becasue the rest of the team is pretty upset... they realize that i have more technical experience that half of our staff, put together... however, with that said... TODAY, i had an interview at Dell. 2.5hrs of grueling technical questions, hr personality crap and shmoozing with managers. All in all, the recruiter says that my feedback was "very positive" and i feel like i killed it. Hell, halfway through the Server tech questions, the guy apologized saying "Judging from your first answers, i know you know the rest... but i've got to ask them... i'm sorry, we'll make it as quick as possible." lol, cant say thats ever happened in an interview before... anyways, this job is one of those jobs that will literally "set" us... the pay is considerably higher than what i make now, plus stock options and paid benefits... i dont want to get my hopes up but the interview went so fucking well and even my recruiter, who knows exactly what they said about me, says i was good. Maybe that counts for something... we shall see... we shall see. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
10:50 am	Lets go to the movies!! As i find i have some time during our extreme slowness here at NI, i will update this "journal." Nita and I finally caught Grindhouse at the Drafthouse, on Sunday. It was a fun movie. I dont feel like it was as great as some people have been saying, but i can definitely see the appeal. NO, i'm not one of those movie people that go for some kind of enlightenment hidden within the film. I understand that movies are for entertainment, and that is what i go for... to be taken somewhere else for 90 - 180 minutes... somewhere that isn't here and as long as "somewhere" isn't as shitty as "here" chances are, i'll be entertained. sara used to bag on my god awful taste in movies... thing is, my thoughts on "her" movies were the same as hers on "mine". She's a bit more vocal on how much she disliked the movies i enjoyed but that is part of her charm. However, i like ALL things on the big screen... even if the screen is small. Sure, i enjoy movies like Die Hard and Riddick because they're fun. However, i also enjoy movies like the count of monte cristo or teenage virgin suicides... hell, i caught shit trying to get people to watch Donnie Darko, just cus the description talked about a 6 foot tall rabbit. 6 months later, everyone and their grandmother is running up to me telling me i HAVE to see this Donnie movie! sheesh... if people would only listen to me once in awhile... i may act like a tard sometimes, but i am far from stupid. i suppose that is the thing about movies... they are completely subjective. We have a bunch of people that like to sit around and tell us what movies are "good" and what movies are "bad". Personally, i don't really like stories about a soldier falling in love with another soldier that is going through a transgender identity crisis... so does that make this movie "bad"? not really... i've seen it and its actually pretty good... and i don't even like the subject matter. There's a fine line between someone's opinion of music and movies and their personal feelings. Meaning, a lot of people feel physically attacked if you say you do not like their music or movies. I suppose this is a response mechanism for those that NEED others to feel the same way they do... gives them a sense of brotherhood, others that understand their plight. wow... i am rambling... back on topic. In all fairness, grindhouse was OK... i like Freddie Rodriguez, i fucking LOATHE Rose McGowan so maybe that is why i didnt enjoy their movie. Or course, being a gearhead at heart, i cant lie when i say i had a hard on throughout the entirity of Death Proof. I've always liked that Zoe Bell chick, but this movie just reinforced the fact that i would love to fuck her like a porn star. Believe me... i can and i would. Still... Death Proof was simply... OK... Disturbia was interesting but the build up took far too long... i like that Shia Lebouf kid and liked the entire movie but the pace was not good at all... The Reaping was cool... while i was raised by a religious fanatic, i am not one by any means. I believe in a higher power and i believe a lot of things written in the bible, actually happened... HOWEVER, i DO NOT believe the things happened just as described... the bible is, supposedly, the word of God... as translated to man, by His angels. Man is the variable in this equation... i do not believe that we have been told the whole "story", so to speak... we have been given what those before us have deemed "appropriate" for us to know. That is where my doubt comes from with regards to faith and religion. While you will NEVER convince me that there is no "god", "allah", "buddah"... you will also NEVER convince me that any one religion or religious group are correct. again... sidetracked... The Reaping was neat to watch... they talked about the plagues of Egypt, sent down by God, in the book of Exodus. The scientific explanations given in the movie, were the exact explanations given by people that actually study biblical phenominon. I thought that to be a nice touch... even though it probably came from a National Geographic episode of Exodus. I liked seeing someone else's vision of the plagues, come to life. The plot of the movie was kind of silly... but whatever, its only entertainment!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
9:40 am	Birthday's and video games. Those things are pretty synonamous for me... they just go together, no matter what. It doesnt matter whats going on in my life, where i am or who i'm with... video games have always had their place. It may seem like some kind of "Peter Pan" syndrome where i dont want to grow up, but its exactly the opposite... i use them as an outlet to relax and forget about the things around me. Most of the time, this was accomplished with massive quantities of drugs but these days i get the same pleasure out of a good game as i did eating a bunch of pills and passing out. Anyways... today is the big day... i dont really know why everyone makes such a big deal about it, i mean, i dont really care... we didnt really celebrate birthdays at my grandmother's house so when i moved up here, i'm always expected to come up with lists of gifts for people, places to eat, things to do... it seems like an awful lot of trouble for me. I just want to chill, see a friend or two and hang out with my wife... yes, video games will be there... it is a mistress juanita has chosen to accept. On a side note... i will be picking up my X Rocker II gaming chair today... its got many many plugins for audio from various game systems, dvd players, ipods. The headrest has two surround sound speakers in it and the body holds and 80 watt subwoofer. Its also got the big 3mm? headphone jack for the big daddy headphones. This will allow me to hook my game systems up to any tv and have the enjoyment of surround sound, without me having to use the stereo in the living room. Totally boneriffic as this is something i have wanted for a long time. Recent games have been Rogue Galaxy, Xenosaga and Ar Tonnelico. Rogue Galaxy is a very cool action RPG, great great graphics and animation... has the voice of Spike from Cowboy Bebop as well as some other known voice actors. Ar Tonnelico is OK... the story is cool, a bunch of people living in this giant tower that reaches into space and up to heaven... the people at the bottom are somewhat primitive and only have stories of life in Platina (highest point above the blast plate, before heaven). The tower is run by this big super computer and has gone crazy (imagine that) so now the towers defenses are actually attacking the inhabitants. It goes on about how only women have the power of song and it is through song in which magics are created. Your entire party protects this girl while she sings her magice and essentially decimates all enemies. Basically the fights go the same... you attack and heal with your front line characters while the female (Aurica or Misha) charge up their song... once its reached a certain point, you unleash her built up fury into some huge attack. The spells are cool but there is no difficulty... i would only recommend it to the more hardcore rpg players. **Note - there is one scene in the game where Lyner (Auricas protector) has to "install" a life extending crystal into Aurica... you will hear such great lines as "Oh my, its so big... i've never had one that big before." or "Here, Lyner, hold me like this... it feels better this way." The scene went on and on with the innuendo... hilarious. Xenosaga - Part 1 of a 3 part series... came out in 2003 and i do not know how i never played this game before now... its a very cinematic game, lots of cut scenes for storyline and character development... a lot like watching an anime in 3d polygons because some of the cut scenes are 30 - 45 minutes long. I loved every minute of it though and cant wait to start part 2... easily the best 8 bucks i've spent in a long time. anywho... happy birthday to me, i hope it brings many cool gadgets. woo! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
1:18 am	I don't do resolutions... but, and there's always a but, this year will be different. It has to be... The last couple years have been pretty crazy, you hope for the best and end up with the worst. I've come out of it a different person. I'm definitely not the person i was in highschool... or even 7 years ago, when i moved up here. I've done things that aren't exactly noble... but necessary. It's time to reaffirm who i am and take control again. My ma said she felt i was falling into a "downward spiral". She says she can tell when this stuff is happening, about to happen, happened... i wonder which one i am? I've been experimenting with coming off all the medication my docs have me on for my back, and finding a physical way to deal with the pain. I don't feel addicted to the medicine but i am definitely dependant. I can't quit cold turkey because that would put me in the hospital. I have found something that is an opiate antagonist (i think thats right) anyways, it takes away the physical pains of withdrawal while lowering and eventually erasing your tollerance to the drug. I've gone over a week without taking any meds... no withdraw symptoms and no urge to get high. My back hurt like a bitch but after a while it felt managable. i have a good outlook on things to come, for now. We'll see how far this self affirmation takes me, maybe i'll make it out in one piece. Heh. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 11th, 2006
12:43 pm	The Fountain Heh... nita and I went and saw The Fountain yesterday... now, i love movies, any movies... i'm willing to give anything a chance but this is the first movie, in a long time, where i seriously want my money back. Visually, the movie was beautiful but you can dip a turd in gold but you've still got a turd. That's exactly what this movie was to me... shit. Normally i wouldn't even waste my time complaining about it but the misdirection that the previews create, really piss me off. anyways... i'm sure there are plenty of people that will like the film for its "artsy fartsy" value but not me... it blew donkey balls... a big giant brass set of donkey balls. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
10:09 am	Where do i go from here? Tis the season... to be what? Jolly? Fuck that. My son is in the ground, and a large piece of my soul is with him... everytime i close my eyes, all i can think about is my baby... in the cold ground, by himself... i was supposed to protect and take care of him but i couldn't even give him 1 year of life. Am i angry? Not really, i just want answers... why? Why not me, instead of him? I've lived a decent life... he didnt even get a chance. Most people that knew me growing up, knew that i wanted to get married, settle down and have kids... now, what happens with the next child? Will he/she make it to 1? 2? Even be born? I can't lose another child... i wont have the heart left to make it through something like that. I question whether i'm even considered a parent anymore... there was nothing that made me happier than to say that i was a proud daddy with a beautiful son... now what? I've always had faith that everything happens for a reason... but to lose a child, what possible reason could there be for something like that? I've never questioned Him and have always given myself to Him... but now, i find myself questioning that faith even in a way that His son questioned Him on the cross... "Why have you forsaken me?" Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Tupac - Krazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)